Is This Where You Want to Be?

When I talk to other teachers about my school compared to theirs I often end up saying that I am so glad that I teach at a small school (30 to 40 kids per grade). Don’t get me wrong, there are perks to a big school. When I scan the #MTBoS, I see really cool things happening, but many times those take place  in larger schools. Usually at larger schools classes are more homogeneous when it comes to academic abilities. It allows the environment to cater towards a somewhat standard mindset. There are times when I dream about having a class of 20 some students who would willingly geek out and fully engage on math with me. I would even like teaching in an environment where students are simply ritualistically compliant, acknowledging the advance math they are learning will have no bearing beyond graduating high school. Unfortunately at a small school we often don’t have the opportunities to homogenize like that. I have had classroom of 11 students where one student had a tested IQ in the low 80’s and another had tested as cognitively gifted (IQ of at least 130 in our district). The unfortunate consequence of this is that I believe that I end up developing far too many strategically compliant students, and I personally detest the mindset of the strategically compliant, mostly because I was one. I personally have witnessed the hell that many of those students will go through, but perhaps I am engaging in one of humanities greatest follies, projecting my own image onto others. I think we do that far too often and I want to confront people when I see them do that, but I don’t because I am way to introverted and don’t feel comfortable without the protection and distance of a computer screen.

But I digress….

Why then do I stay at a small school when there appears to be positives to a larger school environment? It’s because of my introvertism. I fit in a small school environment much better because of my personality, whereas if I would succeed at a larger school it would be in spite of my personality. I once was told, “I get the impression that what happens behind closed doors is different than what I see,” by one of my past administrators. Ummmm…..yup, I don’t think there could be a truer statement. Here’s the thing, I interact with my administrators in a classroom environment for anywhere from 70 minutes to 190 minutes during the year, and because of our current revolving door with the administration it has maxed out at 300 minutes for an entire career. I interact with the majority of my students for a minimum of 16410 minutes, with a few of the students having interaction times as high as 40275 minutes.  I know that my administrators hold my job security in their hands, but I value the opinion of the students more. I really believe that they should have a larger say in the learning environment than the admin and legislatures.

Reflecting on my experiences in high school, I remember not feeling much respect towards the teachers  that treated us like children. When I began college I told myself I would start to think of high school kids differently. When I found myself working with high school students at the local YMCA in college I told myself I would think of them differently once I was student teaching. When I was student teaching I told myself I would think of my high school students in a different light once I graduated and obtained a full-time job. When I obtained a full-time job I told myself that I would think of high school kids differently when I had my own children. Now that I have been a parent for almost six years I have given up. I can’t think of my high school kids differently than I think of my coworkers, and I happened across some research to back that up.

Everyday that I enter a classroom I can’t help but see my students as equals. As long as we are talking about math I probably am superior, but that’s because of my experience with the subject. My authority is dictated by two things: one, my knowledge of the subject I teach, and two, my position as a teacher. The power I derive from knowledge is only confined to the realm of mathematics. When I discuss another topic with my students, they get the opportunity to claim power. But the power I derive from being a teacher is all based upon accepted societal pretense. Which is why I love teaching at a small school. In the thousands upon thousands of minutes I will spend with my students it is almost inevitable that the false power that the pretense of the student-teacher relationship is built upon will be obliterated. Once that power structure of a student-teacher relationship is gone I can truly get to work of education. Students will learn much more from me when they view me as an expert because of my knowledge and not because of my title.

Removing the power structure of the classroom also allows my students and I to separate math ability from character traits. We are able to acknowledge the IQ bridge that might exist between us that hinders instruction, but can guide learning anyway. (I really wished we lived in a society were we could rationally discuss the impact of IQ without shaming.) Obliterating the student-teacher power structure paves the way for students to form an opinion of me as a person aside from their opinion of the subject I teach. It allows me, as a teacher, to do the same for the student. It is why I want students in my class, even though it might not make the most sense for a particular student. It is why I want certain students in my class, even if math isn’t their strength. It is why I feel badly when I say scornful things in class. It is why I have students for whom I feel like I should have done more than teach trig functions of any angle. It is why I think I can have a long term impact on students. It is why I conflicted emotions about taking extracurricular duties. It is what allows me to describe my students as more than grades.

I once had a conversation where I was asked if this is the place I thought I should be.

Does the math instruction suffer in a small school environment under my watch? Probably, sometimes, maybe.

Do I get to have a bigger impact on the kind of person that leaves my classroom compared to a big school? Yes, definitely.

Am I happy here?

I couldn’t imagine it any other way.

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