Try, try, try again

I hate to admit it, but this will be at least my fourth attempt at writing a blog. Maybe this time will be different. But I have been really taking time to search within to find the reason that I have this burning desire to do this. Sometimes the raging inferno simmers down to just some glowing embers, but it has never been snuffed out.

One of the few blogs that I read on a semi-consistent basis (emergentmath) linked to video presentation by Simon Sinek about his idea of the “golden circle.” Just a brief side note, I don’t think he discovered or invented anything groundbreaking, but he was one of the first to articulate it precisely and market it well.

So, why? Why, why, why? Why do I want to write, and why do I keep quitting. Maybe I will start back at the beginning.

I thought about all the times I had failed, and each time I started blogging I began with asking myself what it is I need to do. I have this disability called introvertism. Okay, I’m just making that up, but I am an introvert, which makes communication, especially in unfamiliar settings, very uncomfortable. One of the categories teachers are evaluated upon is communication. And I thought I could communicate more passively by using a blog. I know how to communicate. I know what I want to say. But I almost never do. As an introvert I fear conflict so I usually censor myself. Basically, I am shy. As my comfort level around people or in different situations, my censor gradually disappears, but very, very few people actually see the unfiltered me.

Consequently, every time I tried to start a blog it failed. The first time it failed because I was writing to improve my communication with parents, but when no one used or looked at the blog I quit because it was just a waste of my time. I was writing to communicate with others, and when there was no communication I quit. I felt one way communication was waste of my time. I needed to find a way to convince myself that blogging wouldn’t be a waste of my time. This time I won’t fail because this time I am writing for me, usage be damned. I want to document my memories, my stories, the process of how I became the teacher I am today, regardless of how many people actually read this.

Why am I doing this? I have a multitude of life experiences that have shaped who I am as a person and who I am as a teacher.

How am I going to do this? I am going to record those experiences in the ether of the internet.

What am I going to do? I am going to write a blog.

Hope someone reads it.

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